punishment // 凋叶棕

CONTENT WARNING: rape, sexual violence, vulgar language
Even if you don’t know Japanese at all, at the end of the song there’s a very painful scream, so be careful before you listen to the song.

I will always be free, just like that butterfly……

Title: punishment
Circle: 凋叶棕 / Published: 四面楚歌
Album: 匣

どこまでも自由なあの　美しい蝶の様に　嗚呼……
けれどその美しさは何処か危うく――
doko made mo jiyuu na ano utsukushii chou no you ni aa…
keredo sono utsukushisa wa doko ka ayauku–

Aah, being free, just like a beautiful butterfly…
Yet, that beautifulness is somehow compromised…

生きるということは
どれほど辛く　そして　どれほど重くさえあるのだろう？
ikiru to iu koto wa
dore hodo tsuraku soshite dore hodo omoku sae aru no darou? 

When it comes to being alive
Just how much painful and how hard can it be?

存在が己を縛り　けして外せぬ枷となって
生きていく　そう強いられることに震えて
sonzai ga onore wo shibari keshite hazusenu kase to natte
ikiteiku sou shiirareru koto ni furuete

Existence itself became the shackles binding me down
Living… I shiver in this thing, forced upon me

定まらないその運命
流されるように　そして　どれほど続くことなのだろう？
sadamaranai sono sadame
nagasareru you ni soshite dore hodo tsuzuku koto na no darou?

My fate of being so unstable
I feel like drowning in it and wonder how long will it continue?

何からも自由なつもりで　その裏で追い詰められる
生きていく　そう強いられることに怯えて
nan kara mo jiyuu na tsumori de sono ura de oitsumerareru
ikiteiku sou shiirareru koto ni obiete

With the intention of being as free as I can be, I was backed into a corner of the opposite
Living… I’m scared of this thing, forced upon me

どこまでも空を飛ぶ蝶を
美しいと思いながらも――おまえも！
doko made mo sora wo tobu chou wo
utsukushii to omoi nagara mo– omae mo!

While you’re thinking of how beautiful
A butterfly is in his flight- you too!!

繋がれていなくとも
腐り堕ちて生ける意義
tsunagareteinaku tomo
kusariochite ikeru igi

Even if your life isn’t bound
Its meaning rots and crumbles away!

わたしはどうして
考えなければならない？
watashi wa doushite
kangaenakereba naranai?

Why in the world
Haven’t I thought about it?!

抱えるものの重さに
ならいっそ全てを……
kakaeru mono no omosa ni
nara isso subete wo…

The weight of what I carry…
All of this, I wanna get rid of!

世界はただ一つ
小さな箱で　そして　どれほど狭苦しいものなのだろう？
sekai wa tada hitotsu
chiisana hako de soshite dore hodo semakurushii mono na no darou? 

This whole world
Is just a little box. Just how cramped can it be?

一度産み落とされたなら　お前は追われ続ける
生きていく　そう強いられることに怯えて
hitotabi umiotosaretanara omae wa owaretsuzukeru
ikiteiku sou shiirareru koto ni obiete

Ever since your birth, you chase after it
Living… I’m scared of this thing, forced upon me

わたしというからだのその意味
そしてこのこころのその意味――すべてが！
きっとただ無駄であり
それがあるだけ憎らしい
watashi to iu karada no sono imi
soshite kono kokoro no sono imi– subete ga!
kitto tada muda de ari
sore ga aru dake nikurashii

The meaning of this body, known as “me”
And the meaning of my heart– All of it!
Surely they are useless
Their sole existence is so horrible!

わたしはどうして
耐えなければならない？
watashi wa doushite
taenakereba naranai?

Why in the world
Is this so hard to accept?

自分という重荷を
ならいっそ全てを……
どこまでも自由なあの　美しい蝶の様に　嗚呼……
この身を捕らえて貪り尽くしてよ――ねぇ。
jibun to iu omoni wo
nara isso subete wo…
doko made mo jiyuu na ano utsukushii chou no you ni aa…
kono mi wo toraete musabori tsukushite yo– nee.

This heavy burden known as “me”
All of this, I wanna get rid of!
Aah, being free, just like a beautiful butterfly…
Get hold of my body and consume me greedily- hey…

ただ価値を背負わせて
そして意味を宛がって
そんなわたしなど
ただの挿れ物じゃないの！
tada kachi wo seowasete
soshite imi wo ategatte
sonna watashi nado
tada no iremono ja nai no!

Just letting me carry a certain “worth”
And then applying meaning to it…
Even someone like me
Isn’t just your fuckbag!!

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――！！
罰を与えて、こんな私のため。ねぇ……
batsu wo ataete, konna watashi no tame. ne…

Now, give me this punishment, for my own sake…